It’s incredibly disappointing, depressing, stressful, and discouraging when we feel like no one else sees “the real us.” -Pastor Jeff Little, Who Am I?
I have read and re-read this sentence more times than I should have. With each read I’m taken back to a dark time in my life. I remember feeling everything named above with special emphasis on depression and discouragement.
Before those dark days, I had been living out my calling to the fullest. I was able to find peace, joy and comfort in my God despite some ungodly things happening in the background. At some point, I stopped looking to my God for comfort and joy, and I allowed those other things to get to me. Instead of turning to God or my spiritual family for wise counsel, I went into full-on rebellion as a cry for help.
Why did I do that?
The answer . . . I honestly have absolutely no idea, and if I could go back, I would choose differently.
That immature cry for help was the beginning of a rapid fall into the abyss that would easily be marked as the darkest days of my life.
It was the beginning of me being seen as someone other than the real me.
The reason I keep reading the sentence from Pastor Jeff’s book is because it reminds me of the time I did everything opposite who I was. It reminds me of a time I allowed someone to speak to me and about me in a way that portrayed me very differently than who I was in order to deflect attention from their own actions. But it wasn’t the actions of the other person that brought shame and guilt to me. It was my own actions that brought those things on.
I think about how easily I could have gone to my spiritual family for counsel, but instead I gave up and made even more of a mess of my life. . . all because I felt those who meant the most to me saw me as the mistakes I had made rather than seeing the real me.
The Enemy is a Liar
If you don’t already know this, the enemy is a liar, and he comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). I’ve said before that he was not given the gift to create. Instead he twists truth into lies to tear our lives apart. And in the midst of me living life for God, I listened to those lies and believed them! No one is exempt from falling, so always be alert!
I listened to the lie that if I talked to my mentors about things happening in my life, they would view me differently and think I didn’t have it all together. Pride
I listened to the lie that if I took matters into my own hands, I could fix what was messed up. Pride
I listened to the lie that once I really rebelled, I could never talk about it to my mentors or spiritual family because they would not see me for who I really am and would instead toss me aside. Pride
I listened to the lie that once I messed up so badly, I was the only reason for the destruction of everything that meant anything to me. I took all blame onto my shoulders still staying silent about the awful things happening daily. Pride
I listened to the lie that everyone I ever loved would me as someone I’m not, and I retreated into complete isolation. Pride
It’s clear there was a problem, and the only way to fix it would be to address it and meet it head on. That problem was pride. God has been addressing many areas of my life that were led by pride, and I’ve had to face each area. It’s different this time, though. This time I’m not standing alone as I meet this ugly problem of pride. This time, I’m standing with an army of angels along with spiritual family, loving friends, and my Jesus. With so many at my side, this problem can easily be overcome.
These people know the real me because they do life with me. The truth is, if I had gone to them at any point in time from the very beginning, they all knew the real me and would have walked me through the things I was facing. I let that issue of pride take over as I was thrown lie after lie by the enemy. And where did it get me? It got me into a place of distress, discouragement, disappointment, and depression because I believed the lie that no one knew the real me.
Any time you feel the urge to stay silent about something because of what someone might think, or if you ever feel the urge to isolate yourself, that’s the time to stop and realize you are hearing the lies of the enemy.
My God says to have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness. He says to expose those things (Ephesians 5:11-14). My God has my best interest at heart, and he has equipped me with people who love me no matter my faults because they know my heart. They love me with a godly love, and he reminds me of that every day through each of these people.
Who am I? I am NOT those moments I listened to the lies and went into darkness. I am NOT the things that I remained silent about that were out of my control. I AM a child of God. I AM a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and as his child, I am a princess who has been made new. I may be in this world, but I am not of this world. I am a new creation made right by the blood of Christ shed for me.
I AM HIS!
**You might enjoy the short study for pre-teen and teen girls, The Real You