Absolutely Perfect Imperfection

 

What I Know . . .

 

What I Know . . .  

It’s interesting how a person can live half of a lifetime having no idea who she truly is because she’s too busy focusing on the needs and wants of others that she loses focus of herself for fear of being selfish. I’m 36 years old, yet I’ve only recently discovered myself.   I think some things I’ve discovered have been there forever, but I didn’t feel they were important enough to let them be made known. Some of them I thought to be too insignificant making me question how selfish I really am. Others have remained hidden until now.

Of these things I am certain:

I am beautiful.

I am whole.

I’ve been broken, but I’ve never been destroyed.

Because of my God, I am pure.

I am a mommy who loves my babies with every fiber of my being.

I am a daughter who still needs the love, affection, ear, and time of my parents.

I am a sister who needs the friendship only a sister can give.

As the daughter of the one true King, I am a princess in every possible way.

I am a friend.

I am compassionate and feel the pain of others whether they’re friends, family, or strangers.

I am impatient.

I am full of emotion and have learned the balance between allowing myself to feel versus allowing my feelings to take control of me.

I am passionate about the things I believe in.

I’m a fighter.

I will fight to be heard, and I will fight for justice, and I will fight for my beliefs not because I need others to believe the same but because I need for my beliefs to be acknowledged.

I will not judge others, but I am quick to judge myself.

I trust too easily, so if that trust is broken, I fall into an abyss of questions and uncertainty.

Every moment of my life is an opportunity to minister to others.

I am perfect, not because I can do no wrong but because I was created by the hands of God and have put my life in those hands.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I yearn to change lives.

I am a lover.

I love to love, and although there are times I take my loved ones for granted, I strive to let my actions express what my words can’t so those I love never have to question if it’s genuine.

I love to know I’m loved, not because someone told me I am but because they’ve shown me daily.

I need to be appreciated.

I am strong.

I am quiet, but somehow I am loud.

My heart breaks when, despite all my attempts, I can’t help someone who is hurting themselves because the truth is I can’t change their hearts; only they can.

I can easily not react to someone’s physical pain, but I can’t bear to see someone hurting from within.

I am extremely private, yet I am an open book.

I get distracted easily.

I fear letting people down in any capacity.

I love to make people smile.

It’s easier for me to allow myself to be continually hurt by someone than to hurt them by dissociating myself from them.

I am valuable.

I am priceless.

I have a great need to feel valued by those who I hold near.

I am guarded, so when I let my guard down and get hurt, I hurt deeply.

I have a desperate need to be spoiled.

I am spoiled, not with things or having my way but with love, affection, friendship, and security.

I desire to help everyone I come in contact with find confidence in who they are and realize their greatness.

I am touch avoidant, yet I long for hugs from those I love.

I am good enough.

I am intelligent.

I am incredibly creative.

I need fast pace, but I hate being rushed.

I overanalyze the meaning behind words spoken to me.

I take things too personally.

Tone is important to me, so one must be careful how words are presented.

Gifts are great, but I prefer time, attention, and closeness.

I am not funny.

I don’t find humor in most things.

I am a perfectionist.

I am incredibly hard on myself.

My mind doesn’t have a slow down or stop button; it’s constantly going, so I often feel like I have a Ferrari engine attached to the bicycle the world requires me to drive.

I sometimes feel trapped.

I know I’m free.

I take on way too much on a regular basis.

I want to be able to be involved in everything regarding my kids, and I will continue to hope for the day I can be that mom my heart so desires.

Scripture keeps me sane.

I sin like everyone else, and I will not sugar coat my mistakes to make myself appear humble yet untouchable and unrelatable.

I am a mess in pretty much every way.

I have a strong need for my kids to be proud of me, yet I fear daily I am letting them down.

I am sometimes incredibly naïve.

I am a work in progress.

I fear not pleasing God.

I am forgiven.

I am blessed.

I am loved.

I am me.

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