It’s been a while since I’ve talked about the newest writing project. If you haven’t read the introduction, I recommend you do that before you read this one, or you’ll miss out on my goal with this book. READ IT HERE.
I haven’t decided which chapter this will fall under, but it will absolutely make it into the book. Sit back and enjoy this sample. I’m willing to bet it’ll give you a few giggles.
This chapter really pretty much just wrote itself for me as I went to the store a few minutes ago to purchase the cheapest bottle of wine I could find solely for the purpose of taking a picture to advertise for this book.
Y’all, I’m almost 40 years old, so I have certainly bought wine before, but today was different. I didn’t think anything about it until I found myself at 1 PM standing in the wine aisle at a local grocery store looking for the perfect (ahem . . . cheapest) bottle of wine I could find. Then, it hit me. I was very aware of the fact that it was 1:00 in the afternoon, my kids were all at school, and I was by myself shopping for wine. I suddenly felt completely embarrassed, shameful, and afraid of judgmental stares. I might as well have been shopping naked.
What was I so afraid of?
I found myself wanting to tell everyone I passed what the purpose of purchasing wine in the middle of the day was for. I wanted to say, “Hi there! I was just buying wine for a photo prop. I’m not going to actually drink it right now.” Of course, that would be followed by the most uncomfortably forced giggle.
Again, what was I so afraid of that I felt the need to explain myself to perfect strangers?
I ran over to grab some sparkling water because it’s something I can’t seem to keep enough of in our house, and we’ve been out for days. Oh, and I decided I might as well get some gum while I was at it. Yes, that’s a perfect distraction to make it look like I came in for a few things rather than just a bottle of wine . . . in the middle of the day.
And THEN . . . you’re going to love this one. As I was checking out, I realized I was wearing our church’s most recent small group leader shirt to indicate I am a small group leader. This shirt is basically saying, “Hey, I go to this church, and I would love for you to be in my small group where I can help you learn more about God and the bible and church.”
I was mortified. I immediately avoided all eye contact with the cashier . . . but why? Why did I feel the need to hide my face? Why did I have to fight the urge to set everything down and run out of the store never to return again?
This feeling is exactly what I am writing this book about. My past beliefs had once again snuck up on me, and I felt dirty and wrong on so many levels. My fear was that people would think:
- I was going to drink alcohol.
- I was going to drink alcohol alone.
- I was going to drink alcohol alone in the middle of the day.
- I was going to drink alcohol alone in the middle of the day and then go pick my children up from school.
- I’m a bad representation of my church and all Christianity because I was proudly sporting my small group leader shirt while I was going to drink alcohol alone in the middle of the day and then go pick my children up from school.
Do you see where I’m going with this? I could keep adding on all day, and I could quickly find myself in tears on the floor in a fetal position.
Have you ever done this to yourself? Let me begin by saying that not a soul was even looking at me in the store, and they certainly didn’t waste their time thinking about why I was there or what I was planning to do with the rest of my day.
Why are we so silly that we let our minds run away with us like that?
*Side note – I did drink the glass I used in the picture.*