I stumbled on a book titled Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date, and it looks to be a good book, but it really got me to thinking. You can find a plethora of articles and books about dads and daughters and the guys who want to date them.
My question is why are there so many things about the guys wanting to date our daughters and how overprotective the dads are, but there’s very little about the girls wanting to date our sons? Where are the articles and books on protecting our sons?
My husband and I have very clear guidelines for all of our children regarding dating, and most of them aren’t even dating age yet. I understand the overprotective dads who will one day want to interrogate our sons for dating their daughters, but let me tell you, I have some mom questions of my own for the girls wanting to date my sons.
First, tell me about your friends . . .
Our pastors say all the time, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
If your closest friends are known for some not-so-great things, then you can tell me all day long that you aren’t like that, but I am going to have a lot of trouble believing that to be true, and I don’t know that you’ll be successful in convincing me. I understand that might have been true in the beginning of the friendship, but I also know the truth of 1 Corinthians 15:33 that bad company corrupts good character.
What are you planning to wear on your date?
I’m just giving you a heads up that if you are showing more of your body than what you have covered, then you’ll likely be staying home that night. Feel free to come to our home, but you’ll still need to wear some clothes. And please understand that a shirt labeled “dress” at Forever 21 is NOT a dress in my eyes.
What’s the purpose in showing that much of your body? What are you expecting of my son that you feel the need to dress like that?
Know your worth, and know that it’s absolutely unnecessary to put yourself out there like that. You are invaluable in the eyes of God, and you need to do everything in your power to protect your heart, mind, and body. And I expect you to respect my son’s worth if you’re wanting to date him. If you care about him, which I assume you do if you’re wanting to date him, then you also care about protecting his heart, mind and body just as you should protect yours.
Have you two talked about what your physical boundaries are? What are they?
Is your limit holding hands, kissing, or more? Are you going to be laying all over my son? Are you going to sit in his lap while taking selfies for your friends? How far are you willing to go?
This is something to talk about before taking that first date. It’s much harder to try to start this conversation in a heated moment. Talk about it now so you both know what is and is not acceptable, and then you will be less likely to find yourself in a heated moment.
What are your intentions with my son?
Are you just wanting to have fun? Do you just have a need to have a boyfriend? Or do you really like my son? Do you see a real future with him?
What are the things you like about him?
Are you a Christian?
This one is huge. 2 Corinthians 6:14a says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”
We want to protect both of your hearts, and I understand it may not seem like a big deal to you right now. But if you don’t have the same beliefs, it is going to cause major problems in the long run. The longer you two are in a relationship, the more it’s going to hurt both of you.
My son is very special to me . . .
. . . and he deserves to be with someone who knows and respects that. If you date my son, you also date our whole family. That means you need to not only spend time getting to know him, but you need to spend time getting to know us.
You need to also be okay with him spending time with his family without you being there. You should do the same with your family. They love you.
You need to be okay with him spending time with his friends without you being there. You should do the same with your friends. Friends are important.
You need to be okay with him not living with his phone attached to him, which means he may not text you every second of the day. You should do the same. Live life unattached to the phone. Then you two can come together and you actually have something to talk about – a real conversation.
If you can respect my son and our family’s values, then we are happy to let you two date. And yes, we will always be “in your business.” Protecting our son is our business, and because you want to be a part of his life, we hope you will be understanding.
My sons aren’t perfect by any means, but they are mine, and I will do everything I can to protect their hearts.
Even though he’s sometimes a goofball, and even though he may have a mood swing here or there, I ask that you handle my son’s heart with the utmost care. When you do, I will welcome you with open arms.