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Expectations: The Relationship Killer?

courtesy of Theschoolphilly.com

Expectations: The Relationship Killer?

 

Lately, I’ve been listening to people talk about expectations they have for their friends or significant other.  My social networking feeds are filled with hurt friends and scorned lovers.  Most of the time the authors of the posts don’t even realize they had expectations that weren’t being met ultimately causing the demise of the relationship.

Let me be honest here.  I am totally guilty of this. Why is that so difficult to admit?  And where do these expectations come from?

Of course, we can blame it on growing up with Cinderella and Prince Charming or even the story of Shrek and Princess Fiona, who were able to change one another for the better, but take a look at everything we take in as we read books or watch on TV. 

I’ll Be There for You

One of my very favorite shows to watch is Friends.  I’m certain I’ve seen every episode numerous times.  I cry every single time Ross is listening to the answering machine as it cuts off to Rachel confessing her love for him.  He yells at the machine, “Did she get off the plane?  Did she get off the plane?” Then we hear Rachel’s voice at the door that says, “She got off the plane.”

It just gives me that tingly feeling – warm fuzzies all over.  I just love Ross and Rachel.  They had an on again off again relationship, but we always knew they loved each other dearly and would do anything for the other no matter what.  The timing was just always off, but in the end they were together and vowed to never let each other go.

Monica and Chandler began as friends and had a relationship full of other life bumps.  They had jobs to get in the way and infertility that only brought them closer together and barely had a real disagreement.  In the end they ended up with twins and a perfect little house in a perfect little neighborhood.

Together their friendships lasted through anything the writers threw at them.  Never did one of them have an all-out fight terminating their friendship.  They had quirks that frustrated them at one time or another, but never did an episode end where their friendship wasn’t fully intact.

Although I love this show, how realistic is it?  Wouldn’t we love to have friendships where we never get angry at one another and never feel let down by the other person?  Wouldn’t it be perfect if relationships continued with everyone laughing off the “mistakes” of the other?  Why do we want relationships like that, but we’re not willing to laugh it off when expectations aren’t met?  Why are we so quick to rant on Facebook about how the best friend, boyfriend, mom, sister, or daughter did something so wrong that it deserved the attention of everyone?  Haven’t we messed up at one time or another, too?  Do we want it blasted all over the country?

I digress . . .

Reality Just Isn’t Entertaining

Now that I think of it, are there any TV shows or movies that truly replicate life?  I can’t say that I’ve seen anything, and it makes me question why that is.  Why is it that we don’t want to watch reality (and reality TV does NOT count because there’s no such thing)?

We’ve taken from the things we’ve seen, and without even realizing it, we’ve made them our expectations for our own relationships.  No one can live up to the expectations or actions of the characters created by a talented writer.  Think about it.  Can you live up to your own expectations?

Take time today to write down the expectations you have for your friends, family members, boyfriend or spouse.  Now, ask yourself if you could live every day meeting those same expectations.  Be honest with yourself.  Think you don’t have any expectations?  Look at the times you’ve argued with those people or friendships/relationships that have ended.  Ask yourself what happened, and you’ll probably find expectations hiding in there somewhere. 

 

Related link:  Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships

I Want Salsa!

gift

Earlier this week I posted to my FB page about a conversation I had with my son on the way to school.  I said I would tell my thoughts after I hear other people’s thoughts first.    I decided to do that here in my blog.  If you have followed my posts for any amount of time, you know I usually focus on life and living life and being confident and give encouraging words to my readers.  It doesn’t tend to go deep into Biblical happenings, but sometimes it’s just necessary.  This is one of those times.

I love getting into conversations like this with my little 1st grader.  He amazes me because of how deep his thoughts go. He’s always been that way, and I hope it never changes.  He’s extremely intelligent, and he by far exceeds my intelligence already in some areas.

For those who missed it, here was my post:

My sweet, contemplative son and I were talking this morning after listening to Pastor Greg on the way to school. He was going over the Lord’s Prayer, and I turned it down to ask him if he understood what forgiveness really means. We say it all the time to him, but I wasn’t sure he completely understood. In the process of talking about it, he said something I had never thought of before. I’d love to hear your thoughts: “If someone hasn’t asked Jesus into their hearts then they can always ask for forgiveness for their sins, but they won’t be forgiven. Only when Jesus lives in their hearts will God forgive them.”

 

My thoughts :

All I can say is WOW!  Have you ever really thought about that?  It’s just not something that has ever gone through my mind, so it made me stop and think.  I mean, I just always think about asking God to forgive us for our sins, but never have I considered the fact that not everyone has made a decision to follow Christ in their daily walk.

So never having considered this, I realized it makes absolute sense.  Jesus’ death and resurrection was planned long before it ever occurred, and it happened for a specific purpose.  It was as a gift to us, though it’s difficult to think of what had to happen in order for us to have this gift.  

Jesus died in order for us to be forgiven for our sins so God could see us as righteous – because, as you know, we are all far from it.  However, in order for us to be forgiven and be seen as righteous, we must FIRST accept this gift. 

I Want Salsa!

It’s no different than getting a gift for your birthday – a blender, for instance.  So you have this awesome blender (my favorite is the Ninja BTW), and it’s sitting on your counter still in the box 3 months later.  You just haven’t had time to open it and use it.  Maybe you’ve been craving fresh salsa.  You’ve thought of making it since you have all the ingredients you need just sitting there in your refrigerator.  Every day, you look at the box and the ingredients you have on hand, but you just don’t want to go through the trouble of ripping the tape, opening the box, putting the blender together, and putting in all the ingredients.  You really want some salsa, but not that badly.  You can do this every day, but you will never get to enjoy the homemade goodness until you take the gift that’s already been given to you and let it serve its purpose.  Sure, you can want your own homemade salsa really badly, and you can even ask for it until you’re blue in the face, but you won’t sit down to dip those crunchy tortilla in it until you take the steps required to make it.

Blenders . . . Forgiveness . . . What in the World?

You see, my sweet 7 year old is correct.  Everyone has already been given this gift of being forgiven for the mistakes they make.  You can want to be forgiven all day long, and you can even ask for it, but if you’ve never taken the appropriate steps to receive and “open” this gift, you can’t utilize it for its purpose.

In order to be forgiven, you must first acknowledge you have this gift sitting in front of you.  You must accept it.  You must follow the steps required to open it.  The coolest thing about it. . . it’s so EASY to receive it and open it up:

3 Simple Steps to Utilize this Gift:

  1. Acknowledge the gift is in front of you and you want it and need it.  In other words, acknowledge you have made mistakes, as we all have, and you have the opportunity of wiping them away in the eyes of the only one who matters – God.
  2. Know who the gift giver is and why he gave you this gift.  Jesus died on the cross in a most brutal, tragic way.  He was blameless but allowed himself to die just as any other law-breaker would have.  He did this as if he were you and died for the mistakes you’ve made and will make in the future (because, let’s face it, we are human and will continue to mess up).  He literally took your place and died for your sins so you could be viewed by God as blameless if only you accept this to be truth.
  3. Open the box, and start using the gift as it was intended to be used.  No one gives a gift they don’t want you to use, but they’ll never force you to use that blender you got for your birthday, right?  Ask Jesus to forgive you for the mistakes you’ve already made.  Tell him thank you for giving you this gift of forgiveness and allowing you to be viewed as blameless in his father’s eyes.  Tell him you want to receive this gift, and you’d like for him to come into your heart.  Have the true desire to do your best to continue each day not making mistakes, but understand that you aren’t perfect.  It’s only through accepting this gift that you will be forever forgiven for any future mistakes when you take them to God.  Even better. . . now with Jesus in your heart, you’ll find that some of those mistakes don’t come near as easy because you recognize them more quickly as being mistakes, and you’ll likely have a greater desire to do the right thing.

 

I would love to hear your story if for the first time you decided to accept this gift that’s been sitting in front of you.  If you haven’t yet . . . go ahead.  What do you have to lose?

Why I Get Fit

I saw this today and had to post it.  It’s perfect for me.  You wouldn’t believe the harsh words that have been spoken to me about my fitness goals and successes lately.

It was a little more than a year ago that I decided to stop complaining about how I felt about myself and actually get up and do something about it.  I joined a gym, and if you’ve followed my posts, you were able to watch me set and meet my first goal of running a 5K.  I’ve run several since then.  It feels good to accomplish something I never thought possible for me.

When I decided to get fit, it had nothing at all to do with other people.  It had to do with how I felt in my own body and in my clothes.  I got fit and continue to stay fit for myself and my kids.  Those of you who have followed me for any amount of time know that I love people and want them to love themselves.  My passion is for girls and women of all ages to become confident in who they are.  I strive to help them see themselves as God does and know they were fearfully and wonderfully (and flawlessly) made.

God placed me with the youth at our church for so many wonderful years, and it was then that I helped young girls with confidence in how they were created.  Now, he’s placed me in a position of fitness instructor and Beachbody coach.  My social networking has migrated to be more about health and fitness for all ages rather than focusing solely on teen girls.  Because of that I’ve heard many negative remarks about my own heart.  I wish I could espress how my heart not only is for the same thing, but it’s grown even more as I’ve found new ways to reach people and speak truth and love to people.  The confidence I see growing in these women each day amazes me, and it’s not by my hands but by God’s.  I’m simply allowing myself to be used in such a way.

The majority of the women who work with me are not working with me solely to get fit.  We’ve formed friendships, and our goals are to improve ourselves as a whole – not simply working out and eating healthy.  We focus on loving one another and celebrating with each other’s successes.  I’ve grown as well with each new group or new person I coach.

I hope with all my heart those who have had a misperception of what I’m doing will read this and understand that my getting fit has absolutely nothing to do with what others think about my appearance.  It began as me knowing I had allowed myself to change from what God had created, working on it for myself, and now I continue with fitness to remain healthy and help others.  It has become its own ministry, and I’m so thankful God opened doors for me to do this.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized what I’m doing isn’t very different from what I have done in the past.  It’s at a completely different capacity and with women of all ages, and not limited to the confines of the church, but it all comes down to the same thing — encouraging others and helping them find confidence in who they are.

Getting fit should NEVER be about impressing someone else.  Do it for yourself and love who you are.