A Princess Broken NEEDS YOUR HELP!

I need YOUR help!!  I’m still working on the finishing touches for A Princess Broken, which means it’s going to be a little later getting it into print than I had originally planned (so goes the writing/publishing process).  I’m currently working on what exerpt to have on the back cover.  Keep in mind the back cover is what a reader usually looks at first to determine whether she wants to open the book or not.

I am interested in hearing what my readers want, so I’ve included a few exerpts below, and each one has a number.  I would greatly appreciate it if you would comment and write the number of the exerpt you think should be on the back cover.  The one with the most votes will be used! Be honest.  If you don’t like any of them, tell me.  I want it to reflect the emotion within the covers, so if you feel none of these appropriately convey the story within, then by all means tell me.

Thank you for your help in this, and there will be one more fun thing coming soon for you to help choose!  This book is all about you, the reader, now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1

She pushed both wrists toward my face so I could clearly see the freshest wounds that were bleeding when I found her earlier.

I pulled her arms to my lap.  “I do see them.  What makes them different from the others?”

“This morning I gave up.  I didn’t want to live this life anymore, so I wanted to see what would happen if I cut a little deeper.  I just didn’t want to be here anymore, but I couldn’t do it.”

She began to cry and leaned in toward me.  I knew she just wanted to be held, so I held her like I hold my own little girl.  I rocked her gently back and forth.

She sat up and looked at me for a moment before lowering her head again.  “Kate, I don’t want to live like this anymore.  I don’t know what to do or how to change or where to go.  I don’t have a home, and no one cares about me anymore.  My dad left, and my mom never looked for me when I left.  I don’t have anyone.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2

“Well, Sarah, I know you might believe differently than I do, but I believe that we were created by God.  I also believe that what the Bible says is true.  The bible tells me that you are a princess, and . . .”

“WAIT!  What?” she shouted becoming defensive and enraged.  She stood up as if preparing to flee as fast as she could, “What do you mean it tells you that I am a princess?  I know I’ve never read the whole bible, but I know that it doesn’t say anything about me in there.  This is a waste.”

She turned to leave, and I grabbed her arm, “No, Sarah, let me explain more.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3

“Sarah, can I ask you a question?”

She looked at me like I had said something completely foreign to her, then she shrugged her shoulders.

I traced over a scar with my finger, “Can you tell me why you did this to yourself?”

Her head fell, and she began to lightly brush the insides of her arm with her palm as if she was trying to erase the marks.  We sat for what seemed like an eternity before she began speaking.

“I guess you could say it started a few weeks after my dad left.  I wasn’t cutting or anything that extreme, but I did other stuff.”  Her voice trailed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4

She wiped her nose with a folded up napkin, took a deep breath, and began to read it out loud.

“And he that sat upon the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’  And he said unto me, ‘write: for these words are true and faithful.’”

She examined that paper, and I watched as a single tear dropped to the paper.  Instantly, I remembered so many times that my own tears fell to that paper when I was younger.

She began to speak again, “I just don’t think this was meant for me.  New?  How can I be made new?  I don’t even know what that means.  Don’t you look at me and see how broken and dirty I am?  You’ve heard just a small piece of the horrible things I’ve done.”

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5

I’m not crazy about any of these choices.

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16 comments on “A Princess Broken NEEDS YOUR HELP!

  1. Keri says:

    I like #2 they all make you want to read the book but just something about that one that I really like.

  2. Michele Bone says:

    I like 1 or 4. Both are good!

  3. Debbie Ainsworth says:

    I think the first, number 1, tells the most decriptive portrayal of her condition. She was done living like she was, I think it sets the stage for change. I vote for that one.

  4. Rhonda Crowdis Hardisty says:

    #1.

  5. Misty says:

    Thanks, ladies. Let’s keep ‘em coming! :)

  6. Sonja says:

    5, 4 if it needs to be one of those.

  7. Jessica Whistman says:

    5… I like the way they all begin, but I think they need a bit more of a cliffhanger, that makes people want to know the rest.

    However, I think if you took the last paragraph off of 3, that would really grab a potential reader’s attention…

  8. Sonja says:

    I guess I don’t like them because I feel like they are sharing too much of the story…
    ————————————–
    Although she had been sitting in mud with the cold drizzle coming down, I noticed the plaid, baby blue shirt she wore was soiled by stains that looked days old. There was a large rip in the back. How long had she been wearing that shirt?

    I noticed her hand still tightly clenched. My mind immediately raced wondering what could be hidden inside of that fist.

    “Please, dear Lord, give me a listening ear and the words this girl needs,” I said silently to myself before grabbing our order. I took a deep breath and began walking to the couch.
    ————————————
    “How come you’re being so nice to me? You don’t know me,” she said never looking up from her food.

    “Well, I don’t really know how to answer that. I saw you crying and wanted to make sure you were okay. Then . . . I can’t really explain it. It was almost like I felt your pain when I hugged you. I felt a connection to you almost like you were my own sister.”

    I had trouble answering that question because I honestly didn’t know the answer. When I saw her by the tree, I tried desperately to ignore her and pretend I didn’t see her, but I just couldn’t.

    “No one has ever been this nice to me. Thank you,” she looked down at her unopened hand. I noticed her skin was discolored from what looked like dirt and dried blood. I badly wanted to know what she was hiding; what she held so securely in her fragile hand.

  9. leeleegirl4 says:

    1

  10. Pam Hardisty says:

    I think number 4 or the first part of Sonja’s suggestion. I like the first one, but I think it reveals too much. The others don’t grab me as much. May God continue to anoint your writing.

  11. I agree with using number 3 and taking the last paragraph off :)

  12. Shannon says:

    #1 very much looking forward to reading the rest of the story :)

  13. Chantal says:

    I think they all reveal to much if you left them as they are now. Number 1 starts off as too forward the plot is given away too easily. Number 2 to a non-christian girl might seem too religious and she may not be intrigued enough to read it if she thinks its going to be about religion. Number 3 is my favourite without the last paragraph. It all depends on the type of audience you want to captivate. In my opinion, the third one is intriguing for both christian, and non-christian girls or even mothers or counsellors who have dealt with extreme depression and suicidal girls.

  14. Misty says:

    While #1 was the favorite for the majority of you (and myself included with #3 being my 2nd favorite and yours too), I feel it’s too close of a vote to choose any of these. I’m going to try another route that I think will be more appropriate after doing a little research on the back cover blurbs and listening to your suggestions. I think I’m going to do something more similar to what I did at the beginning of the link at the top of the page.

    “Walk with Kate as she learns about the journey of a teen girl who has lived a hard life filled with many bumps and obstacles. How did she get to the place Kate found her; broken and abandoned?”

    This will NOT be the blurb, but I think it will be something along these lines after taking everything you all said into consideration. I think Chantal is right on because, although it is Christian fiction, I want anyone with any belief to be able to pick it up and read it and relate to it without feeling like it’s preaching to them.

    There’s a lot of darkness in the story, and I want to let it show in the blurb, so I need to work on that.

    I’m so glad I did this to hear your thoughts because it definitely opened my eyes to what my readers want. Thank you thank you!!

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